Quotations and Aphorisms:

My own business bores me to death. I prefer other people's.
-Oscar Wilde-

A critic is a man who writes about things he doesn't like.
-H. L. Mencken-

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.
-Woody Allen-

Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.
-Mark Twain-

Love your neighbour as yourself, but choose your neighbourhood.
-Louise Beal-

Critics are like eunuchs in a harem: they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they are unable to do it themselves.
-Brendan Behan-

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.
-Oscar Wilde-

Life's Tragedy is that we get old to soon and wise too late.
-Benjamin Franklin-

Religion is excellent stuff for keeping common people quiet.
-Napoleon Bonaparte-

Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow.

Nothing endures but change.
-Heraclitus-

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can not get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
-Jeff Valdez-

Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others
-Oscar Wilde-

What luck for rulers, that men do not think.
-Adolf Hitler-

It's a funny old world isn't it? We can get a man on the moon but we still can't get one on Martina Navratilova.

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
-Mark Twain-

Patriotism is a pernicious, psychopathic form of idiocy.
-George Bernard Shaw-

As a bankrupt thief turns thief-taker, so an unsuccessful author turns critic
-P.B. Shelley-

A billion here, a billion there - pretty soon it adds up to real money!
-Everett Dirkson-

All women become like their mothers; that is their tragedy. No man does; that is his.
-Oscar Wilde-

The beginning is the most important part of the work.
-Plato-

The religion of one age is the literary entertainment of the next.

Half of the people in the world are below average.

Nothing is easier than being busy - and nothing more difficult than being effective.
-R. Alec MacKenzie-

Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much
-Oscar Wilde-

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
-Mark Twain-

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
-Oscar Wilde-

A theologian is like a blind man in a dark room searching for a black cat which isn't there - and finding it!

So many men, so little time.
-Mae West-

As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take the course he will. He will be sure to repent.
-Socrates-

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. -Robert Lee Frost-

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
-Galileo Galilei-

It is a much cleverer thing to talk nonsense than to listen to it.
-Oscar Wilde-

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent
-Isaac Asimov-

Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation
-Oscar Wilde-

There are two ways of spreading the light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.
-Edith Wharton-

The greatest homage we can pay to truth is to use it.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson-

Asking a working writer what he feels about critics is like asking a lamppost what it feels about dogs.
-John Osborne-

Better to rule in Hell than to serve in Heaven.
-Milton-

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
-Oscar Wilde-

Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself; but talent instantly recognizes genius.
-Arthur Conan Doyle-

Only the shallow know themselves.
-Oscar Wilde-

It is better to deserve honours and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them.
-Mark Twain-

There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written or badly written.
-Oscar Wilde-

An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise.
-Victor Hugo-

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
-unknown-

No Body is perfect.
-Gerhard Uhlenbruck-

In heaven all the interesting people are missing.
-Friedrich Nietzsche-

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
-Groucho Marx-

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
-Robert Lee Frost, 1874-1963-

In a mad world, only the mad are sane.
-Akiro Kurosawa-

Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash.
-Emo Phillips-

I've been rich and I've been poor. Believe me, rich is better.
-Mae West-

People call me a femenist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute
-Rebecca West-

The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled.
-Plutarch-

Any fool can criticise - and many of them do.
-C. Garbett-

I don't want to be immortal through my work. I want to be immortal
through not dying.
-Woody Allen-

Once there was a time when all people believed in God and the church ruled. This time is called the Dark Ages.

He who can, does. He who cannot teaches.
-George Bernard Shaw-

Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few.
-George Bernard Shaw-

The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.
-Oscar Wilde-

Prejudice is the reason of fools
-Voltaire-

Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.
-Mark Twain-

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good.
Luckily, this is not difficult
-Charlotte Whitton-

The books that the world calls immoral are the books that show the world its own shame.
-Oscar Wilde-

I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television
-Gore Vidal-

The Lord's Prayer is 66 words, the Gettysburg Address is 286 words, there are 1.322 words in the Declaration of Independence, but government regulations on the sale of cabbage total 26.911 words.

The difference between literature and journalism is that journalism is unreadable and literature is not read.
-Oscar Wilde-

Most people would rather die than think; in fact, they do so.
-Bertrand Russell-

Anybody can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathize with a friend's success.
-Oscar Wilde-

When I'm good, I'm good. When I'm bad, I'm very good.
-Mae West-

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung
-Voltaire-

The Christian view that all intercourse outside marriage is immoral was, as we see in the above passages from St. Paul, based upon the view that all sexual intercourse, even within marriage, is regrettable. A view of this sort, which goes against biological facts, can only be regarded by sane people as a morbid aberration. The fact that it is embedded in Christian ethics has made Christianity throughout its whole history a force tending towards mental disorders and unwholesome views of life.
-Bertrand Russell-

Whenever I'm caught between two evils, I take the one I've never tried.
-Mae West-

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are
-Gore Vidal-

Too much of a good thing is wonderful.
-Mae West-

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit
in my name in a Swiss bank.
-Woody Allen-

A diplomat...is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way
that you actually look forward to the trip.
-Caskie Stinnett-

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.
-Robert Frost-

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.
-Will Rogers-

I don't know if God exists, but it would be better for his reputation if he didn't.
-Jules Renard-

A drama critic is a person who surprises a playwright by informing him what he meant.
-W. Mizner-

I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability.
-Oscar Wilde-

I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place
and kill him.
-Mark Twain-

The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact than a drunken man is happier than a sober one.
-George Bernard Shaw-

Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.
-Abraham Lincoln-

All religions are founded on the fear of the many and the cleverness of the few.
-Stendhal-

I can resist everything exept temptation.
-Oscar Wilde-

Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.
-Oscar Wilde-